Frozen
by Symee-Sama
Summary: Tell me, Heero. Her voice disturbed him. Usually her voice was warm and welcoming, but now, it was cold and distant, completely unlike the Relena that he knew. Did I ever mean anything to you at all? Was I ever more than a mission to you?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Not mine... never mine.

**Frozen**  
By Symee Sama

Author's Note: This was supposed to be an entry for the 99 ways to propose to Relena thing on Blissful , but like the other fic I wrote for the contest, I sort of didn't pay enough attention to the rules, so it's ineligible... I decided to post it anyway. :p  
  
She stood alone, watching the waves crash upon the sandy beach. This was their spot. The place that they had met. The place that they had said goodbye. This beach was full of memories. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering slightly from the cool October wind.  
  
"Relena?" She jumped when Heero placed his hand on her shoulder. She hadn't heard anyone coming. "What are you doing out here?"  
  
"Remembering." She replied softly. "I can still remember the look on your face when I first met you. You were horrified." She laughed. "I was so confused about your actions. You run away from me, and then you enrol in my school. I didn't understand."  
  
"No one was supposed to know that I was here." Heero supplied. "You were a threat to my mission. I was supposed to kill you so you wouldn't tell anyone about me."  
  
"Why didn't you then?" Relena stared at him. She had been wondering about this for awhile. "Why didn't you kill me?  
  
"I tried." Heero said bluntly. "I didn't love you, I didn't really feel anything for you, but I still couldn't kill you."  
  
"That's probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard you say." Relena tried to make it sound like a joke, but found that she couldn't. That had been the most romantic thing that he'd ever said to her. She winced, ignoring the look that he gave her.  
  
"It's a good thing that I didn't." Heero continued. "Or there wouldn't be peace right now."  
  
Relena looked away from him. That had hurt. Was that the only reason that he had spared her? Was that the only reason why he was happy that she was alive? Because she brought peace?  
  
She blinked rapidly to stop the tears that were forming in her eyes from flowing down her cheeks. She had thought that she was his friend. She knew that he didn't love her, but she had thought of her as a friend. But no, she was only useful for keeping the peace, and when her purpose was fulfilled she would be discarded and forgotten.  
  
"What's wrong?" Heero asked her, confused in her sudden change of mood. He moved closer to her, but for every step he took towards her, she took one away. "Damn it, Relena! What's wrong?"  
  
"Tell me, Heero." Her voice disturbed him. Usually her voice was warm and welcoming, but now, it was cold and distant, completely unlike the Relena that he knew. "Did I ever mean anything to you at all? Did you ever see me as something more than an icon of peace?" Her voice grew colder as she continued. "Did you ever think of me as more than a mission?"  
  
Heero looked at her, silently assessing the situation, before answering. "What made you think that?" He asked finally.  
  
"Forget it." Relena muttered, turning away from him, and walking towards the stairs that would lead her to the road. "What do you want?" She snapped when Heero ran in front of her, blocking her way. He didn't answer her, just simply stood there, waiting for her to answer his previous question.  
  
"You don't treat me like I'm human!" Relena yelled, his stoic silence had only made her angrier. "I've seen you around other girls, Heero. I've seen you around other people. When you're around them, you talk. Not much, but you do talk. With me... You're a different person. I have to force the words out of you,.  
  
"You tried to kill me, and you weren't able to. I don't even think that you're glad that you saved me. You might have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you had just killed me on the night of the school dance. But, I bring peace, which is probably the only reason that you keep me around. I don't mean anything to you. I've tried to be your friend, but you won't let me close.  
  
"You shut me out." Relena wiped a hand across her eyes, hating herself for crying in front of him. "You've always shut me out. It's obvious that you don't want to be around me. Hilde knows more about you than I do, and she's only met you twice! I've worked with you for seven years, and I have to practically force you to say more than two words about yourself. All you care about is my security, about how safe I am, which should be flattering, but it's not because... because I'm not a person to you!  
  
Heero blinked at the sudden onslaught. Did she really believe that he felt this way? This wasn't supposed to happen. He hadn't wanted her to get mad! Say something, you idiot. His mind berated him, but he was at a loss for words. He had thought that his feelings were obvious, and that she knew and accepted them.  
  
Relena sank to the ground, emotionally exhausted from her outburst. Heero didn't move, and she thought that he was confirming her suspicions. She had seen him comfort women before, he had been awkward, but he had still managed to do it. He wouldn't help her though, she sob silently, unable to hold back her tears any longer. He wouldn't help her because she wasn't a person...  
  
"Please..." Relena said in a quiet voice that made his heart ache. "Go away, Heero. Don't waste any more of your time on me."  
  
"Relena..." Heero finally found his voice, and knelt beside her. "I didn't mean to hurt you. That was the last thing that I ever wanted to do to you." She rubbed her eyes, looking sceptical. "The reason that I don't talk to you is that you make me uncomfortable." He fumbled for the words, searching frantically for a way to describe what he felt.  
  
"Whenever I'm around you, it seems like there isn't enough air in the room." He said slowly, looking at her for a reaction. "My chest gets tight, and it hurts. It hurts to be around you because I thought that I could never have you. That you deserved better than me. I didn't understand before, but I do now. I'm in love with you, Relena."  
  
She looked at him cynically, dismissing his words. "Don't make fun of me, Heero." Her voice was cold once more. "Why did you come here?"  
  
"It wasn't supposed to be this way." Heero ignored her question. "I was supposed to find you, say something romantic, and then sweep you off your feet."  
  
"You've never had to say something romantic to sweep me off my feet." Relena retorted angrily. "All you ever had to do was look at me, and I would be lost, but you never looked at me. You would always avert your eyes."  
  
"Relena..." Heero ran a hand through his hair. "I came here to ask you to marry me."  
  
"That's not funny." Relena said softly.  
  
"I would never joke about something like this." He replied seriously.  
  
"If you love me, why wouldn't you look at me?" Relena asked, unable to believe what he was saying. "Why wouldn't you talk to me? How can you love someone, but not want to look or talk to them?"  
  
"I didn't want to get lost." Heero said solemnly, smiling inwardly at the confused look that Relena wore. "What you said earlier, about being swept away... it was the same for me."  
  
"You'd look into your eyes and get lost?"  
  
"Don't play stupid." Heero chided her. "You know what I mean." He reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring, and offering it to her. "It wasn't supposed to be this way." He muttered.  
  
"Heero..." Relena whispered, staring at the ring. "It's beautiful, but I can't. It won't work."  
  
"I won't take no for an answer," Heero growled, shoving the ring into her hand. "I don't have a life without you." He pressed his lips against hers, leaving her room to escape if she wanted to. Despite his words, she knew that he would let her go if she asked him to.  
  
"Heero..." She began again, noting the fear that suddenly appeared in his eyes. This time, she was the one who leaned forward, she was the one who claimed him, and as her hand tightened around the ring, she knew that she was lost.

....

Relena shivered slightly as she stared at the moon. How happy she had been. Too bad it had been nothing more than a dream. A childish fantasy that had haunted her nights. It had never happened. Well, it had, but not to her. 

She buried her face in her hands, wishing that it wasn't true. Heero had proposed, and he was getting married. She should be happy, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force herself to feel that way.  
  
It would be just like she always dreamed. A beautiful ceremony only for friends and family, Heero smiling and happy at the prospect of a new life. A gorgeous white dress, and a wonderful life ahead of them.  
  
_In fact, there's really only one problem._ Relena thought miserably as she hugged her knees to her chest.  
  
_The bride isn't me._

Author's Note: I'm not sure if I'm going to draw this fic out into a series or not, I have lots of good ideas for it, but... whatever I choose, I'll be sure to do more on my ongoing series' first. So... good, bad, what?


	2. A Friend's Pain

Frozen: Chapter 2   
By Symee-Sama

Disclaimer: I do not own the song 'Frozen' and I don't own Gundam Wing. Trust me on this.

* * *

_You only see what your eyes want to see.   
__How can life be what you want it to be?   
__You're frozen   
__When your heart's not open.   
_-Madonna

* * *

It was cold. That's all Relena could think of as she stepped outside, all she allowed herself to think of as she saw Heero moving towards her. An awkwardness pervaded the atmosphere as he stepped closer to her, gently taking her arm and leading her towards the car.

"How are you, Heero?" She asked, her heart not really in the words. "How are the wedding preparations going?" He didn't say anything, merely looked away from her, as she tried to fill the silence with questions and small stories.

It was ironic. She was the most well-spoken person he knew, but around him, she started to fall apart. Piece by piece, until there was nothing left of the strong woman that he knew was there. There was only, a girl, hurt and rejected who stared at him with vulnerable, tear-filled eyes.

"Everything's fine," Heero said finally, turning back to look at her, and noting the dark circles under her eyes. "You haven't been sleeping again. You've been taking your medicine haven't you?" She nodded wearily, resisting the urge to bring her hand to her temple.

"I'm just tired, that's all." She smiled brightly, but he saw right through it, and frowned until her smile faltered. "I had a nightmare that woke me up. I am taking the medicine." She watched as some of the tension faded from his eyes, and wondered why he seemed so concerned.

He turned away from her again, looking out the window, and cursing himself letting this become so hard. "She's been asking to meet you," he began softly, and could almost sense her stiffen beside him. "It would mean a lot to me if you would meet with her, Relena."

"Of course," Relena's voice was tight and her smile forced. "I would be happy to meet her. Is there any particular time that she would like to meet?" She glanced down at her organizer. "If you want, I can take an extra hour for lunch."

"That will be fine," Heero smiled at her, meaning to be reassuring, but instead, breaking her heart just a little bit more. "She'll be thrilled when I tell her. She's been talking about nothing but you for weeks now." He stole a glance at her, wondering silently to himself when he'd become so afraid to look at her.

"Does she know, Heero? About you and me. Does she know?"

"There was no you and me," Heero said brusquely, knowing that his words were hurting her, and silently wishing that he could do something to ease her pain. "Relena, whatever you feel for me, you've got to let it go."

"I know," it took all of her experience from dealing with people to keep her voice steady.

"I don't love you," he twisted in the seat and practically snarled at her, hating that she could make him lose control this way. He was going to be married, and he wouldn't let any feelings that he might still have for Relena ruin this for him. "I never did."

"Do you think I don't know that?" Relena snapped, her eyes losing their distance, and filling with tears. "Damn it, Heero! Don't you think that I don't know that you never loved me? You wanted to kill me for God's sake, and my convoluted teenage mind twisted that into love. I don't even know how I did it. From murder to love, but I somehow made the connection."

Her shoulders slumped and to Heero's eyes, she seemed to collapse inwards. "Relena..." he began slowly, reaching for her hand, and biting back a curse when she flinched away from him. "Listen, I didn't mean to hurt you, but you've got to let this go."

"Whether you meant to hurt me, or not, the end result is the same." Relena flashed him a smile, and wiped at her eyes. "But don't worry, I'm a big girl now. I don't need you to help me through this. You will call your fiancée and tell her that I'll meet her for lunch?" Heero nodded and turned away from her.

"Isn't it odd?" Relena laughed softly as Heero pulled out his cell phone and started punching in numbers. "I don't even know her name. You've never mentioned it, Heero."

"It's Midii," he said and pressed the phone to his ear. "Midii Une."

8&8&8&8&8

Heero kept an eye on her throughout the rest of the day, and was strangely proud of what he saw. She didn't cry. She didn't beg or break down. Instead, she held herself with a quiet dignity that he admired. Especially during her lunch with Midii.

He had expected her to be rude, or at least annoyed with his fiancée, but Relena had proven that she was better than that. Smiling, and laughing with Midii, and acting for all the world like she was enjoying herself. If Heero hadn't known her so well, he would've been fooled by the good natured smiles, and the light hearted conversation, but he saw the hollowness in Relena's eyes as she entered the car after saying goodbye to Midii, and he knew that he had hurt her again.

He tried to make small talk as they made their way back to her office, but for once, Relena remained quiet. Nodding at appropriate intervals, and giving polite answers when she had no other choice, but other than that she was silent.

And it irritated the hell out of him.

He finally decided that she had sulked enough, and turned to face her. Not really sure if he was mad at her, or himself for making her this way. "Are you done moping yet?" He asked, frustration making his voice harsher than he wanted. "You're acting like a child."

Relena turned and gave him a level stare. "Let's get one thing straight," her smile was a mere baring of teeth, and Heero knew that he had gone too far. "Ever since I was young, I was taught restraint. I was told that it wouldn't ever do to let people know if you were angry, or hurting. It was best to deal with those feelings by yourself, where you wouldn't bother anyone.

"This small car ride is going to be the only time that I get to sort out my feelings until after six tonight, so you will let me take my moment to compose myself. You will let me mope or complain or do whatever I want until this car stops, and then..."

She sighed softly, and as Heero watched her struggle for the composure that she prized so much, he noticed how much older she looked than she should. "And then, I will do my job. I will do my part to help govern the ESUN, and no one will even be able to tell that something is wrong, but you will give me this car ride. You will not make me feel guilty for having emotions."

"Relena..." He reached for her, wanting to ease her pain away, and knowing at the same time, that it was partially his fault that she was upset at all. "I'm sorry –"

"Don't," she flinched away from his touch, pressed her back against the door, blinking back the tears that had suddenly sprung into her eyes. "Don't touch me." She watched his eyes ice over, and could almost feel the temperature of the car lower by a couple degrees.

"As you wish, ma'am," he nodded, and turned from her, seeming to not even realise that she was in the car with him anymore.

How could he have been so stupid? To think that she would want someone like him to touch her. Someone who had killed, someone who had destroyed countless human lives to comfort her. He wished that she wasn't in the car so he could laugh at himself, but instead, settled for regaining the mask he had been known for during the war.

Cold indifference to the world around him.

He knew that he had hurt her again, but it was for the best this time. He was getting married, and it was time for her to get those fanciful notions out of her head. He didn't care for her, he told himself vehemently. She was simply someone to protect.

Heero nearly sighed before he caught himself. He could bullshit himself all he wanted to, but he did care for her. He cursed himself inside his head. That was the problem. He cared for her too damn much. So much that he would give his life for her in a heart beat.

And it scared him to realise that he could care about someone that much. He wasn't supposed to. He was a soldier, and had been trained to be as devoid of emotion as possible. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, and noticed that to the casual observer, she seemed in good spirits once more, and ready to face the world of politics.

But then their eyes locked, and Heero knew the truth. Whatever hurt and frustration he was feeling right now, was multiplied in her.

This was for the best he told himself, and believed every word. It wasn't right for people to feel this strongly about each other. Their feelings were much too potent, much too uncontrolled to be allowed to survive.

8&8&8&8&8

It was nearly eight by the time that Relena's offices had emptied enough for her to let her façade fall. It had been a long day, one that hadn't been made easier by the extra hour she had taken for lunch. If anything, her lunch had been the most difficult part of her day.

She liked Midii, genuinely liked her, but every time she looked at her, she was reminded that Heero didn't love her. Didn't want her. So she had smiled, and forced herself to enjoy herself as Midii talked to her about politics, the upcoming wedding, and about Heero.

That had been torture. Midii asked her question after question about how Heero was around her, and she had answered, smiling the entire time, and dying a little more with every answer she gave. Midii had seemed somewhat relieved to learn that Relena had never been in a formal relationship with Heero. Relena supposed that anyone would have acted that way. Who would want an old ex-girlfriend around?

No one, she answered herself bitterly, but an ex-nothing was something else entirely. Heero seemed content to watch her suffer through this entire debacle, and had already told her that Midii was to know nothing of what she felt for him.

Her ears perked up as she heard a sound nearby, and her politician's mask was on instantly. She was calm and in control of herself. "Who's there?" She asked, pleased that there was no trace of the hurt she felt in her voice.

"It's just me," Trowa stepped into the light of her lamp, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Relena smiled up at him. "I suppose you came to see if I was ready to leave?" At his nod, she continued. "Just let me clean up here, and I'll be right with you."

She collected her papers, and filed them carefully, before turning back to him. He was pale, she realised suddenly. He was very pale and drawn, with circles under his eyes. "Are you feeling well, Trowa?" She asked, reaching up to place a hand against his forehead. "You haven't got a fever, but you look pale."

"No paler than you," Trowa countered, and when she looked at him uncomprehendingly. "When I was young, I was with a group of mercenaries who, at my request, took in a young girl about the same age as me. She had blonde hair that flowed down her shoulders, and bright blue eyes that seemed to reflect the light of the world back at you. She had an innocence around her that I found irresistible, but I never let her know how I felt, I couldn't you see. I believed if I let anyone in, I would get hurt."

He paused, and directed a level stare at her, seeing that she was beginning to understand. "She betrayed our position, and got all the mercenaries killed. I saved her life, and when I stood with her, looking down at the wreckage of our camp, she told me she loved me." He nearly sighed as he pictured the look on her face. "And I ignored her and walked away."

"Did you ever find her again?" Relena asked quietly, and Trowa nodded.

"Just recently, I saw her, but in the arms of another man." His smile faded, and he turned away from her to face the wall, not wanting her to see the hurt in his eyes, the raw emotion that threatened to overwhelm him.

Relena walked over to him, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, silently acknowledging the pain that they both shared. Trowa relaxed slightly under her touch, his fists unclenching as he turned back to face her, a sad smile on his face. "Who was she?" Relena asked, and watched his smile falter as he struggled for composure.

"Her name was Midii Une."

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I liked hearing your thoughts on the first chapter. I decided to do something a little different with the pairings and not pair up Heero with Sylvia. It was pointed out to me in a review for a different fic that she is used fairly often as the 'other woman'. Midii seemed like a nice change. Good? Bad? Comments? Review and tell me!


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